Caution: What I'm about to write will probably upset you.
Today's post was inspired by a thread on Facebook. One of my friends (a relative in fact) posted that their 3 (almost 4) year old child was approved for additional social services. She attends a speech class and will now be going to occupational therapy twice weekly as well. She'll be taking the bus and going to school for the services.
A little bit of background here. The parents are considered low-income and as a result, their kids and family situation is more closely monitored than those who don't participate in any social programs. Their children probably see the doctor more frequently than mine do and they are "assessed" more frequently as well. They also live in another state, so that could be the reason for the difference, but I doubt it.
Anyway, part of the reason the therapy was recommended was because the 3, almost 4 year old was having a tough time using scissors. I'll give you a moment to go get a towel to wipe up the coffee you probably spit out when you read that sentence.
All better? Great. I wish I could say I was joking here, but I'm not. I'm a parent of a 3 year old and I have no idea how her scissor skills are. I don't give her scissors to play with and I don't intend to do that until she goes to school. End of story. Small children and sharp objects don't mix in my household. Anyone that tells me that my daughter is somehow lacking or behind in development because she can't wield a pair of scissors with any degree of precision is going to need a ride to the ER to get my foot taken out of their ass.
So anyway, I commented on the post and with my usual flair for inciting controversy by being something less than sensitive, I mentioned that it's a wee-bit ridiculous how so many kids are being labeled these days as autistic, socially delayed, developmentally delayed, frustrated, etc. and they are being sent to early intervention programs. I'd say the vast majority of mom-friends that I have send their kids to these programs. If the majority of children need extra assistance, how can they be behind? Perhaps the "standards" are what's wrong and not the children.
I went on to say that these programs that are designed to help kids become more independent are really just creating a culture of dependency. They can't function without big brother holding their hand and telling them they're doing a good job. We hand out participation ribbons to every kid because every child needs to feel special. Nobody is allowed to fail. Nobody is allowed to win. Then when reality bites these kids in the butt and they realize that they aren't geniuses, they aren't special and they aren't farting out rainbows and unicorns, they go ballistic and shoot up their classmates -- and of course their aim is amazing because of all the extra attention they got in practicing their scissor skills as children. That last part is sarcasm, but you see where I'm going with this.
These programs don't work. Instead of taking your kids to every type of evaluation and intervention program you can find, why not let them be kids? Run in the fresh air. Fall down and get backup without any help. Try to climb a ladder that's too high and get frustrated. Learn to work through the frustration and overcome your own limitations to achieve something, then savor the reward. If your son has an imaginary friend, he's probably not autistic, he's probably just a kid. If your child is shy, it's not because they are autistic, it's because being shy is a trait that some people have. Stop reading into things too much and enjoy your kids instead of worrying that they aren't mentally grown by the age of 3.
Of course my helpful insights got quite a few comments to the nature of, "... stupid people don't know what they're talking about." or, "don't comment if you don't understand.". These were typically preceded by, "I'm not attacking you, but...". Yes, you are attacking me for my opinions. That's okay though because my mom gave me the skills I needed to cope with that sort of thing. I'm not going to run off into a corner and rock myself silly because someone disagreed with me. I wasn't told that I'm perfect and special my whole life. Coping is a skill I learned as a child... and it wasn't in an early intervention setting. Imagine that.
Another individual tried to use a more logical approach and suggest that perhaps it was that medicine has gotten better at diagnosing problems early. I would disagree. Look at your local town and its building code. 100 years ago, people build their own houses with very little help or guidance from their local government. As time went on, isolated incidents inspired the creation of building departments and inspectors. These inspectors were intended to make sure that dwellings were safe and habitable and in agreement with the local laws. An inspector can't justify their job if they never find anything wrong with the dwellings they inspect, so sometimes they need to stretch their authority. They look for problems, however small, so they can hold that problem up and say look here, I found that - I am important and my job is justified. As time goes on, more items are added to the code to give inspectors more things to look for to continue to justify their positions. The inspection department grows and grows until there are so many pages of laws and regulations that almost any house at any point in time is in violation of one or more points. Depending on the inspector you get, they may or may not find a problem. It's become a highly subjective business.
The same thing is true for diagnosing problems with children. Pediatricians and people that evaluate kids for autism or developmental delays HAVE to find something wrong with a certain number of children to be able to justify their jobs and show that the service is needed. The range of markers for a developmental problem expands and before you know it, any child can qualify as having autism or a developmental delay. The supplemental services business grows by leaps and bounds and soon being something is the new "normal". Not having anything wrong with you at all means your parent or your pediatrician was somehow slacking in their job and their duty to you. It's ridiculous. Then, to top it off, our state and federal governments are furthering the problem by giving grants and extra money to needy communities with a higher number of kids that are in need of services. So now it's a race to see which community can label the highest number of kids as in need of help so their schools and their town can get the extra money for programs.
The system is broken, not the children.
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