The Silent Treatment: What They are Really Saying

I thought I'd do a post on the silent treatment to mark the 7 month mark of the day my sister-in-law decided to stop talking to me (again).

You didn't read that wrong - it's really been 7 months. That includes a handful of holidays, birthdays, etc. It's not the first time this has happened. In fact, at this point I'm pretty sure she's spent more time in the last 5 years NOT talking to me than she has spent being friendly towards me. It's bizarre really.

Given that I've been on the receiving end of the silent treatment for so long, I thought I'd share what I think my sister-in-law and anyone else who is stuck at 5 is really saying by not saying anything at all.

1.) I'm too mentally incompetent to generate a coherent argument as to why your actions/words were wrong, so I'm going to be silent and let you draw your own conclusions. Your assumptions are bound to be better than anything I could have come up with myself.
2.) I have the mental capabilities of a 5 year old. I'm completely inept at self-expression and resort to the silent treatment as a sort of punishment. I believe that I am so interesting and important that not talking to you will somehow adversely affect your quality of life.
3.) I foolishly believe that if I don't say anything at all to you, you will magically see things my way and come around, because that has worked so well in the past.
4.) I am intimidated by other women and can't function in a society where my boobs do not earn me a free-pass to be as rude and destructive as I wish.
5.) I am a horrible mother and wish to teach my children bad behaviors through my example. Up next is playing with fire and having unprotected sex with strangers.
6.) I'm just a straight-up bitch and should probably be on some sort of medication for that.

For anyone currently engaging in the silent treatment, please reference the above list and see just how foolish you look. You aren't going to win approval or make people see things your way by giving them the silent treatment. All you will do is affirm that you are an unreasonable idiot with the IQ of a potato skin. It will not win you points. It will not make you suddenly right. All it will do is make people that think little of you to begin with feel even less positively towards you. The best thing you can hope for is that they start treating you with kid gloves so your inner 5 year old doesn't escape again.

Not really what you were going for, was it?

Oh, and if you are related in any way, shape or form to the person you are giving the silent treatment to and you are an adult, I hope a bus hits you. That would make family holidays much easier for everyone else.

Being Poorer to Become Richer

Sometimes the way this country works just baffles the crap out of me.

I am a stay-at-home mom. Like other women in my area, I have weighed the cost of daycare with my potential to earn and realized that daycare for my 2 kids would be more than I could ever bring in on my own. I'm lucky enough to be married to a successful man that is traditional in his beliefs that the mom should stay with the kids at home. That played well with our finances and he has never ever made me feel badly for choosing to leave the workforce to care for the kids, in fact, he argued with me about doing it earlier - he wanted me to leave when I was pregnant and I wanted to stay as long as possible.

Anyway, I do bring in a small paycheck doing freelance writing while the kids sleep. That means I'm on the computer a lot and like everyone else in the free world, I'm addicted to Facebook. Unfortunately, it seems that people feel the need to over share on Facebook to the point where I want to just reach through the computer and shake them.

Is there no shame in this country anymore?

The latest thing that has set me off is a former high school friend who is now married with 2 kids with 2 men. Fine. That's her choice, no biggie, right? Unfortunately, she feels the need to divulge her financial information as well. She's a photographer who gets paid in cash or paypal. By the tone of her posts I've gathered that only paypal payments are reported for tax purposes so that she can receive certain benefits she feels she couldn't otherwise afford for her children, like school lunches and healthcare.

Most recently, she has put up a post saying how frustrated she was that she couldn't get any answers about camp. She got vouchers from the state so her kids could go for free and shock of all shocks, nobody wants to help her. She can't understand why. Perhaps because a paying person cuts a check for $2K and moves on with life while the state person gets a voucher worth $1K and it takes $500 worth of paperwork and man hours to redeem it.

You really can't complain about something that's free. Do people not understand this anymore? Why do people feel entitled to everything for free and then they complain about the quality of the freebie or the level of service?

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here working from home while watching my kids trying to figure out if I can afford to send my daughter to 2 years of preschool or just one. The answer: Just one. Why? We have student loans. My husband had to go to school to get his job. I went to school as well, though I have less loans than he does. We get hammered with taxes, we live in a house that's underwater and I don't think we will ever ever pay back student loans. We cut where we can and we make hard choices like sending our kids to one year less of preschool than their state-assisted peers are getting. Does that mean my kids will have less of an advantage in life? I honestly don't think so, but if it does at least their kids will get a free ride anywhere they want.

I'm just sick of scraping and struggling because of student loans and not seeing my husband ever because he works while other people complain on Facebook about how their freebie isn't good enough. This is bull. We need to cut all non-essential programs like free camp and people on free insurance plans need to start paying a damn co-pay. Do you know how much that would help? Even a $50/month family plan would cut down on the costs of the free state health insurance programs. Sure, if you're not making anything you can't pay it and shouldn't pay it, but if you are making money you should pay SOMETHING. It's about pride. Teach people that taking for free is OK and you'll have a nation of takers. Make people feel like they've earned it by paying - even it's a little bit - and you'll have a nation of workers.

It's not a hard concept to master and it would make my Facebook jaunts much more pleasant.

Facebook Photo

Normally, I try to keep pretty much to myself about currently political buzz topics, but today, I have to say something. I saw this picture posted on Facebook with the caption of "correct" and I had to share it.

You see what those two fellows did there? They changed the sign to read that homosexuality is in. Doesn't that kind of say something? I won't even go into those strange facial expressions - one is impersonating a beaver and the other is showing off his fine dental work. At least they aren't doing duck faces...

I'm sure these two individuals aren't a real representation of the true homosexuals - but they are a representation of an ugly trend that's sweeping the nation. I call it the trendy gays. It's the young adult population that thinks being homosexual is a hip new trend - like bell bottoms, bowl cuts and wind pants. It's the new "it" thing - being gay is great. It's so trendy. It's cool. It's like driving a great car and having an awesome haircut while winning the lottery. It's a wonderfully euphoric state of being that everyone wants to be a part of and if you don't want to be a part of it and you're under 30... well, you're just a bigot, a hatemonger, a breeder, a homophobe, a republican or some other colorful name.

Unfortunately, idiots like the two in the picture above are just that... idiots. Being gay can't be "in" since it's not a trend. It's a lifestyle. It's not something you decide you aren't a part of in 5 years when you're pushing 30 and realize you're going to die childless and alone. It's something you're born with. You either are or you aren't. It's like saying being white is "in" or having blue eyes is "in". Unfortunately, when we as a culture start deciding that innate, physical things are "in", we set ourselves up for some pretty scary situations. Slavery. Segregation. The Holocaust.

This country is turning into an ugly place for Christians and traditional families. More so if you're young. I'm not saying that we need to throw all of the gay people into the closet or anything, but lets not celebrate hateful losers like the two in the picture. Instead of running from the churches, go there instead. Cross that boundary. Meet the congregation. The easiest way to end an old fear is by becoming a part of THE community, not forming your own. Join a church, break down barriers and get to know people outside of the LGBT circles. Honestly, I think that the real homosexual population is already doing this, and I applaud them for that. It's just the fame-whore gay trendsetters like the two in the picture that are giving the entire group a bad name. While we're at it, lets stop the annoying gay-pride parades because those are another one of my pet peeves.

You see, most of my gay friends and relatives feel that the government and their neighbors have no place in their bedrooms. That makes sense. They shouldn't be able to tell them who to have sex with or how to do it - marriage in the legal sense should not be defined by which outie goes in which innie. Then, in the very same breathe, I get told about or invited to a gay-pride parade. It doesn't make sense. Don't tell me that what happens in your bedroom is your business and then have a parade to celebrate it. As far as I can tell, the only difference between myself and a lesbian is how we have sex. Other than that, we both bleed red. I don't see how you can kick the world out of your bedroom and then have a parade to celebrate the way you have sex. It just baffles my mind. If the gay community wants equality, how about knocking off the parades which only serve to strengthen the divide rather than unite the whole? I can think of many many different ways that would further the cause than a rainbow-filled parade that inevitably draws out the types like the two in the photo above. Think of ways to unite rather than divide and you may have better luck reaching equality.

So if the two men in the above photo ever see this, you should really think about marching your butt into that church and apologizing. Two wrongs don't make a right and while they put up a sign you found offensive, you were also wrong in removing a letter and posing for that photo to mock them. You can't get respect without giving it.