I just noticed that I didn't put anything in for week 11. I guess there was just too much else to talk about or too much else going on and I forgot. Anyway, today is officially the last day of week 11, so I still have time to squeak something in.
This week, I met my new Dr. and had my dreaded prenatal pap smear.
You can imagine how incredibly awkward that is to meet someone from the first time and have them start digging around in your hoo-haw. You really get a feel for how hookers feel, minus the whole getting paid $300/hour thing. In fact, you're paying someone else $300/hr.
Let me just give you a run-down on how the visit went (sparing the details nobody wants to hear).
I arrived at my scheduled appointment time and got the joy of sitting in the waiting room for 30 minutes before I was seen. Awesome. I absolutely despise waiting in doctor's offices. You learn more than you want to know about your fellow patients and you get stuck reading 3 month old editions of obscure magazines you would never choose for yourself.
This particular doctor's office is even more offense because they have you go into a room that's about 3 steps away from the waiting area to chat with a nurse about any concerns you have or anything else before you see the doctor. The nurse doesn't close the door and as a result, everyone in the waiting room can clearly hear what is being said. You wouldn't ever know that unless you've sat in the waiting room when another person was taken back, which from what I've seen doesn't happen all that much. At this visit, I learned the old lady to my left had some sort of growth that needed to be lasered off (yuck), a young pregnant girl wasn't quite sure if her boyfriend was the father of her baby (awkward, since the boyfriend was also in the waiting room and could obviously hear it as well) and another woman was there for her yearly lady bits exam. Awesome.
When it was finally my turn, I made sure to keep my mouth shut in the nurses office. She probably took that as me being rude, but I'm willing to be rude to keep everyone in the waiting room from knowing my business. She checked my weight (lost part of a pound, but that's probably because I didn't wear a jacket this time) and my blood pressure. Then she had me pee in a cup, which is always a delight and then I was whisked off to the coldest examination room I've ever been in in my life.
Literally. It was like -30 in there and everything was made of metal or that type of vinyl that gets bone-chillingly cold and hard when it's below freezing.
So, in came the Dr. and she immediately realized we had never met before. That was refreshing since my last OB acted like that every time I saw her and she'd been my Dr through 2 babies. The OB is this old little polish lady with a thick accent. She asked me to go into her office before the pap so we could chat a minute. I thought that was way less awkward than just getting right to business, so she got another point. She asked about past pregnancies, even though she had it all in my chart and she told me what we'd be doing at the appointment. I asked if it was really all that necessary, since even if they find something they aren't hacking my cervix to bits for samples before the baby is born, so I'd just be paranoid about having cancer or something for the rest of my pregnancy.
She was clearly caught off guard by someone who doesn't just lay down and take it, and the best thing she could come up with was "we need to make sure the cervix is closed." To which I replied: I've had 2 kids, I bet it's never really closed and if it's gaping open the baby would have probably fallen out by now and given up the goose.
She had no come back for that. The best she could do was tell me it was "required". I'd like to know who decided this was a medically necessary test during pregnancy, because I bet it was a man. I can't think of a single woman that would think it's a good idea to screw around with your cervix during pregnancy in order to do a painful procedure with a high rate of false positives due to the changes that happen when you're carrying a baby. Clearly, it was some dumb-ass man, thinking he knew what was best for women. He was probably getting paid by the ass-hats that make the pap test kits.
In the end, I did it because apparently if I didn't the insurance would pitch a fit and I'd need to find a new Dr. Awesome. I LOVE how few choices women are given in their healthcare. Honestly though, if we started telling men that beginning around age 21 or whenever they started having sex, we were going to have them take a yearly test that involved getting naked, laying on a table with their butt at the edge, being felt up and then having a jagged, plastic cotton swab shoved up their penis to scrape off a sample of cells, there would be outrage.
Then, just to add insult to injury, lets make sure their legs are in those ridiculous stirrups to immobilize them as much as possible and we'll toss a sheet over the whole thing, so you never really know when it's coming. It'll add to the helplessness and depravity of the entire situation.
It would never happen. Ever. Not in a million years. Men are at risk of developing prostate cancer their entire lives, yet they don't go for prostate checks at an early age. We don't make having a prostate check a condition of buying contraceptives for men. Honestly, I think the entire thing is about control and keeping women "in our place". Yes, cervical cancer is scary, but is a YEARLY exam really necessary? If you're not in a high-risk group and you aren't sleeping with every guy you meet, every 3 years should suffice, yet if you want to buy birth control pills you need to go every year. It's a screwed up system that's completely unfair to women and yet you hear nothing about it. If you're one of those ladies that is paranoid and would like to give it up for your OB every year, by all means, knock yourself out, but the rest of us should be allowed to CHOOSE how we want to manage our health.
