I'm aware that a lot of my posts can be on the negative side. Usually, I review products when they're not so stellar rather than when they're awesome and any post that involves my in-laws is bound to wound up all doom and gloom.
So, just to change things up, I thought I'd post something positive.
Today, I woke up to a little gift from our relatively new kitten. We live in a house that's 65-ish years old and the back yard is heavily wooded. Mice are an issue. There's no way around it. When we first bought the house, I thought it was weird how there were so many cats in the neighbor's windows and so many cats just wandering around. Ha! Turns out it's because of all the mice. We got a cat a couple years ago, but he ran off. So, this summer we got another cat - a replacement kitty if you will. She just turned 5 months old and unfortunately, we've started seeing little "droppings" in tell-tale places that let us know we have a mouse in the house. Well, today, I woke up and went into the living room. The cat was playing, and I didn't think anything of it. My daughter woke up, went over to get the cat and SCREAMED! A mouse! A mouse! Yes, the cat was playing with a dead mouse. She had caught it and apparently played with it until it died. There were no outward signs of trauma, no mess, nothing like what we would wake up to find with our old cat.
The kitten has officially earned her keep. She's a snuggle bug and she's a great cat all around, but we were worried that she wasn't much of a mouser since we have seen evidence outside of a dead mouse for the first time in 2+ years. Today, we got confirmation that she can actually catch mice. It was a good morning.
After disposing of the body, my husband let the chickens out. One hen ran past him and deposited herself in a bush. It's pouring rain, so that was unusual. He grabbed her to put her under cover and noticed... A BLUE EGG! So, now we have 3 hens laying and 1 is laying blue eggs. It's an Easter Egger, so the egg color could have really been anything, but my husband was so hoping for blue eggs and it looks like he got it.
A blue egg and the first mouse. What a morning! My husband left for work happy, even though it is raining.
We also heard this morning that it will be SNOWING here Wednesday night into Thanksgiving. We usually travel to my parents' house for Thanksgiving, then stay the night to go black Friday shopping while they have the kids. I am just a little bit excited at the prospect of being snowed-in and having our own Thanksgiving here without the travel headaches. So, if the forecast holds, I think I'm going to push for it. My mom will be disappointed, but it has been a long year and I could really use the time off with my family. So, silver linings, right?
See - just because it's Monday doesn't mean it can't be a good day.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Happy Holidays?
Another holiday season is upon us and while some are dreaming of turkey, gifts under the Christmas tree and made-for-TV movies, I'm firmly entrenched in seasonal family drama.
The latest tiff comes care of... you guessed it, my sister-in-law.
Lets start from the beginning, shall we? My mother-in-law hosted her annual un-Thanksgiving this past weekend. We went, with the expectation that we'd be discussing Christmas arrangements. As expected, my mother-in-law wants to include the kids of her new husband and their kids in the gift-giving extravaganza.
So, that makes a grand total of 11 adults and 8 kids - 19 people total. Fortunately, the new adult additions are just as hard-up for money as we are they quickly figured out that 19 people x $10 each = $190. My brother-in-law's psycho wife was saying we should spend "at least" $20 on each kid. I suppose that's a great thought when you have the most kids.
Anyway, we took a "majority rules" approach and decided on a Yankee swap for the adults and a name-draw for the kids. My mother-in-law and her husband opted out, saying they want to buy for everyone, so in turn everyone will buy for them. Her husband's daughter (a single, childless woman) announced that she would like to just buy gifts for her own niece and nephew, which is totally understandable. That means 8 adults and 8 kids would be participating, so each adult would buy for 1 kid.
So at least the list has been dwindled from us bringing 14 gifts to just bringing 4 gifts. Two are for the yankee swap and have a cap of $15 and 2 are for kids and also have a cap of $15. We should be able to get out for under $60. I'm actually grabbing items from my gift-closet for the adult Yankee swap, bringing the total down to $30 for that portion of the family.
My sister-in-law left furious because they had already bought gifts for the kids and apparently can't return them. They want everyone to buy for their kids too. After they left, the new portion of the family asked what my sister-in-law's problem was. I laughed. I didn't know where to begin!
Hopefully Christmas is less dramatic than it's shaping up to be so far!
The latest tiff comes care of... you guessed it, my sister-in-law.
Lets start from the beginning, shall we? My mother-in-law hosted her annual un-Thanksgiving this past weekend. We went, with the expectation that we'd be discussing Christmas arrangements. As expected, my mother-in-law wants to include the kids of her new husband and their kids in the gift-giving extravaganza.
So, that makes a grand total of 11 adults and 8 kids - 19 people total. Fortunately, the new adult additions are just as hard-up for money as we are they quickly figured out that 19 people x $10 each = $190. My brother-in-law's psycho wife was saying we should spend "at least" $20 on each kid. I suppose that's a great thought when you have the most kids.
Anyway, we took a "majority rules" approach and decided on a Yankee swap for the adults and a name-draw for the kids. My mother-in-law and her husband opted out, saying they want to buy for everyone, so in turn everyone will buy for them. Her husband's daughter (a single, childless woman) announced that she would like to just buy gifts for her own niece and nephew, which is totally understandable. That means 8 adults and 8 kids would be participating, so each adult would buy for 1 kid.
So at least the list has been dwindled from us bringing 14 gifts to just bringing 4 gifts. Two are for the yankee swap and have a cap of $15 and 2 are for kids and also have a cap of $15. We should be able to get out for under $60. I'm actually grabbing items from my gift-closet for the adult Yankee swap, bringing the total down to $30 for that portion of the family.
My sister-in-law left furious because they had already bought gifts for the kids and apparently can't return them. They want everyone to buy for their kids too. After they left, the new portion of the family asked what my sister-in-law's problem was. I laughed. I didn't know where to begin!
Hopefully Christmas is less dramatic than it's shaping up to be so far!
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Another One Bites the Dust
Another day, another friend moving away.
It seems like there's some sort of mass exodus happening, with people fleeing New England like it's ground-zero for the plague.
Well, if you hate snow the way I do, I suppose it kind of is...
Anyway, one of the few moms here that I've really bonded with is moving. Her husband flew to NC, interviewed for a job and now they're packing up the kids, putting the house on the market and leaving just before Christmas.
Talk about crushing depression. My cynical side tells me this is God warning me that I should not have friends. This is God telling me to lock myself in my house and forget about making meaningful connections. Friendships take years to forge as an adult and as soon as you've connected with someone, they leave. Maybe I'm picking the wrong type of friends or maybe I'm just not where I should be in life.
I'm not a born and bred New Englander. I find the ladies that were born here, raised here and have never lived more than 10 miles from their birthplace just don't appeal to me. Their world view is too small, their stance too liberal, their cold-tolerance too high. They squeal in glee at the first snowfall while I put on a hoodie and close the blinds, willing it to stop. I'm also not a fan of the stiff, sarcastic, borderline mean sense of humor that most New Englanders have. They just aren't friendly people.
Yes, I realized I said "they". After living here for more than a decade, I still don't count myself as a New Englander. I was born and raised on the West Coast, but I don't feel like that fits me either. I'd move to the midwest in a heartbeat if I didn't have some sort of messed-up claustrophobia that makes me panic when the ocean is too far. That and it generally snows in the mid-west. Like a lot. Like maybe more than in New England. Snow = no bueno for this girl.
The American Southwest isn't my thing either. I watch too much news and I'm convinced there's just Mexican gangs running around kidnapping, raping and sometimes killing or selling like 99% of the women down there. I have female children. That's just not going to work out. I'll take endless winter over the possibility of a Mexican drug-lord selling my daughters into sex slavery, thanks.
So what does that leave? The south east coast? I have no family there, though some friends from high school live there now. Coordinating a job change, selling a house, buying a house and moving with 3 kids - 1 of which is in school now - seems like a daunting task. So far, I haven't been able to convince my husband (who is a born and bred New Englander) to do it. He'd have to take the first step in finding a new job, and thus far, it just hasn't happened. He says he's not a fan of New England, but I think he's afraid to go anywhere new. He loves to travel, but when it comes to "home" he seems to be afraid of change. Kind of funny, since I'm the opposite. I'm not big on traveling, but I seem to have the wanderlust when it comes to calling somewhere "home".
My current record for living in 1 house is 9 years. That encompasses my entire life and actually, that stretch happened as a child. We've lived in this house for 6.5 years now. The need to move is a real thing. I don't love this house and I definitely don't love this town. Thinking that it may be my longest place of residence is troubling, to say the least.
Lets hope an opportunity that's too good to pass up comes up before the 9 year mark. This can't be my longest place of residence.
It seems like there's some sort of mass exodus happening, with people fleeing New England like it's ground-zero for the plague.
Well, if you hate snow the way I do, I suppose it kind of is...
Anyway, one of the few moms here that I've really bonded with is moving. Her husband flew to NC, interviewed for a job and now they're packing up the kids, putting the house on the market and leaving just before Christmas.
Talk about crushing depression. My cynical side tells me this is God warning me that I should not have friends. This is God telling me to lock myself in my house and forget about making meaningful connections. Friendships take years to forge as an adult and as soon as you've connected with someone, they leave. Maybe I'm picking the wrong type of friends or maybe I'm just not where I should be in life.
I'm not a born and bred New Englander. I find the ladies that were born here, raised here and have never lived more than 10 miles from their birthplace just don't appeal to me. Their world view is too small, their stance too liberal, their cold-tolerance too high. They squeal in glee at the first snowfall while I put on a hoodie and close the blinds, willing it to stop. I'm also not a fan of the stiff, sarcastic, borderline mean sense of humor that most New Englanders have. They just aren't friendly people.
Yes, I realized I said "they". After living here for more than a decade, I still don't count myself as a New Englander. I was born and raised on the West Coast, but I don't feel like that fits me either. I'd move to the midwest in a heartbeat if I didn't have some sort of messed-up claustrophobia that makes me panic when the ocean is too far. That and it generally snows in the mid-west. Like a lot. Like maybe more than in New England. Snow = no bueno for this girl.
The American Southwest isn't my thing either. I watch too much news and I'm convinced there's just Mexican gangs running around kidnapping, raping and sometimes killing or selling like 99% of the women down there. I have female children. That's just not going to work out. I'll take endless winter over the possibility of a Mexican drug-lord selling my daughters into sex slavery, thanks.
So what does that leave? The south east coast? I have no family there, though some friends from high school live there now. Coordinating a job change, selling a house, buying a house and moving with 3 kids - 1 of which is in school now - seems like a daunting task. So far, I haven't been able to convince my husband (who is a born and bred New Englander) to do it. He'd have to take the first step in finding a new job, and thus far, it just hasn't happened. He says he's not a fan of New England, but I think he's afraid to go anywhere new. He loves to travel, but when it comes to "home" he seems to be afraid of change. Kind of funny, since I'm the opposite. I'm not big on traveling, but I seem to have the wanderlust when it comes to calling somewhere "home".
My current record for living in 1 house is 9 years. That encompasses my entire life and actually, that stretch happened as a child. We've lived in this house for 6.5 years now. The need to move is a real thing. I don't love this house and I definitely don't love this town. Thinking that it may be my longest place of residence is troubling, to say the least.
Lets hope an opportunity that's too good to pass up comes up before the 9 year mark. This can't be my longest place of residence.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Bah-Humbug
Well, it's that time of year. Black friday is just 2 weeks away and I'm making my annual Christmas shopping list. As I go through the names, all I can see are dollar signs. Christmas is expensive, and it's even more expensive when you're part of a large, broken, blended mess of a family like we are.
You see, my Christmas list looks something like this:
Immediate family:
spouse
3 kids
My family (4 people):
parents
brother
niece
Husband's family (23):
Dad + girlfriend
girlfriend's 2 kids
girlfriend's grand-daughter (lives with them)
husband's aunt + spouse
their 2 kids
Mom + husband
Mom's husband's son + spouse
their 2 kids
Mom's husband's daughter
middle brother + significant other
youngest brother + spouse
their 3 kids
I hate being one to put a price tag on everything and look cheap, but look at it like this, that list adds up to 27 extended family members plus my husband and our 3 kids. That's a HUGE shopping list. IF I managed to spend just $10 on each person - which isn't possible and never ever happens - we're looking at spending $270 before Santa even says his first round of ho ho ho. That's crazy!
So, I'm looking for ways to trim down Christmas costs for extended family members so I can focus on my own kids. Call me scrooge, but I'd rather take care of my kids before I worry about spending $10 on someone else's.
My mother-in-law claims it's not a huge burden, because she's just looking at the 14 people she brings to the party (19 total with us included). That's all she buys for, so that's all she thinks of.
My father-in-law doesn't think it's a burden because he only looks at the 11 people he buys for (16 counting us). He doesn't talk to my husband's youngest brother - long story - but that eliminates 5 people from his holiday shopping list.
My own parents don't think it's a burden because they only buy for 6 people (11 counting us).
My sister and I stopped exchanging gifts a while ago, though she still sends something small for each of the kids and I send something for my niece.
So for those that are part of a large, crazy extended family, how do you save on Christmas gifts? Do you do the homemade route? I need ideas!!
You see, my Christmas list looks something like this:
Immediate family:
spouse
3 kids
My family (4 people):
parents
brother
niece
Husband's family (23):
Dad + girlfriend
girlfriend's 2 kids
girlfriend's grand-daughter (lives with them)
husband's aunt + spouse
their 2 kids
Mom + husband
Mom's husband's son + spouse
their 2 kids
Mom's husband's daughter
middle brother + significant other
youngest brother + spouse
their 3 kids
I hate being one to put a price tag on everything and look cheap, but look at it like this, that list adds up to 27 extended family members plus my husband and our 3 kids. That's a HUGE shopping list. IF I managed to spend just $10 on each person - which isn't possible and never ever happens - we're looking at spending $270 before Santa even says his first round of ho ho ho. That's crazy!
So, I'm looking for ways to trim down Christmas costs for extended family members so I can focus on my own kids. Call me scrooge, but I'd rather take care of my kids before I worry about spending $10 on someone else's.
My mother-in-law claims it's not a huge burden, because she's just looking at the 14 people she brings to the party (19 total with us included). That's all she buys for, so that's all she thinks of.
My father-in-law doesn't think it's a burden because he only looks at the 11 people he buys for (16 counting us). He doesn't talk to my husband's youngest brother - long story - but that eliminates 5 people from his holiday shopping list.
My own parents don't think it's a burden because they only buy for 6 people (11 counting us).
My sister and I stopped exchanging gifts a while ago, though she still sends something small for each of the kids and I send something for my niece.
So for those that are part of a large, crazy extended family, how do you save on Christmas gifts? Do you do the homemade route? I need ideas!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
FREE Books
You're probably reading this post because you Googled the phrase, "FREE BOOKS", right?
Well, if you did, you're in luck.
I just heard about a program called Tyndale Rewards and it's pretty awesome. You see, Tyndale is a publisher of Christian-based books and they're making it easy for people to get books from some of their authors for free!
What's the catch? There isn't one! I'm not joking - no shipping, no handling. All you do is take a few minutes of your time to sign up to their rewards site and answer some short (like 5 questions) surveys, fill in your birthday and tell your friends.
I've gotten more than enough points to earn my first book and I've literally spent 10 minutes doing this. It's THAT easy! I'd say 10 minutes of my time is worth a free book, wouldn't you?
So go ahead and click the link, then sign up and start earning your free books today. :-)
Well, if you did, you're in luck.
I just heard about a program called Tyndale Rewards and it's pretty awesome. You see, Tyndale is a publisher of Christian-based books and they're making it easy for people to get books from some of their authors for free!
What's the catch? There isn't one! I'm not joking - no shipping, no handling. All you do is take a few minutes of your time to sign up to their rewards site and answer some short (like 5 questions) surveys, fill in your birthday and tell your friends.
I've gotten more than enough points to earn my first book and I've literally spent 10 minutes doing this. It's THAT easy! I'd say 10 minutes of my time is worth a free book, wouldn't you?
So go ahead and click the link, then sign up and start earning your free books today. :-)
Monday, November 10, 2014
Safety Tips for Women
It's sad that I'm actually writing this from my living room in the United States. Why? Because it's 2014 and I live in a first world country. Crimes against women are getting out of control and it seems like every time you turn around there's a serial rapist on the loose, or some guy getting his jollies by forcing himself on little kids. The other day there was a video of a woman in PA that was abducted right off the street.
It's sick.
So, I'd like to share some tips here to help women like myself stay safe.
1.) Avoid going out alone after dark. I know - you shouldn't have to avoid living your life because there's perverts lurking around every corner. You shouldn't need to plan on getting your grocery shopping done before 4:30 once daylight savings hits because it's suddenly not safe to buy milk and bread alone anymore.
TELL THAT TO YOUR CONGRESSMAN. After all, it's the fucked up politicians that are guilty of rape and child pornography possession that are deciding what the maximum punishments should be. No wonder the typical rape sentence is less than 3 years.
2.) Take a self-defense class. While it's probably not going to be all that helpful, it'll at least make you feel a little better. I just took one last night with a group of mom friends.
3.) When in doubt, gauge their eyes out. Seriously. Go for the eyes. If you can bring yourself to do it - destroy that eyeball. Stick your finger right through it. Smush it. Wreck the hell out of it. You'll be a lot harder to find and catch if the perp is blinded or only has 1 eye. You need 2 eyes for depth perception, so it'll be a lot easier to escape a 1-eyed rapist than one with perfect vision. Then, while they're writhing in pain for a minute or two, take out your Smith and Wesson and SHOOT THEM. Completely serious. An eye injury heals quickly - take that small amount of time to shoot the prick. Don't run. You'll need a minute or so to get your gun, load it, take the safety off, etc. so practice doing that quickly so you can finish the job off before sir-citizen-of-the-year recovers from the eye jab. Cops don't pursue rapists, especially if they didn't get the job done. If they happen to pick the guy up for another crime, he'll only get 3 years or less for rape. He knows that. If you manage to get away, he'll take his frustrations out on someone else, possibly a child.
Rapists can't be rehabilitated with anything less than a bullet to the head.
Uncomfortable with shooting someone in the head? Aim for the gut or the chest and let God sort it out. Hopefully he doesn't like rapists either and then the creep will have a few minutes to think about the path his life has taken before he bleeds to dead or suffocates from blood flowing into his lungs. Unfortunately, a non-head shot requires you to leave since they could potentially still be mobile enough to stab/shoot/strangle you at that point. Get yourself to safety before you bother calling 911 to let them know there's a rapist dying in the alley from a gunshot wound.
4.) Don't yell rape. It's a waste of breath and nobody will listen. Try something else, like "Fire!", "Lion!" or "Tornado!" As a culture, we're very desensitized to the idea of rape. It has somehow become okay or the victims fault if a woman is raped, so nobody bothers to stop or look when they hear it.
Make sure you make a lot of noise though. Noise can potential scare off the attacker - especially if it's getting attention. That's why you want to say the words that will bring people in.
5.) Be confident. I know it's hard to be confident and you can go from owning the alley to shrinking in a corner in about 2 seconds when faced with a real threat. So, if you don't feel confident, make yourself confident. Put your hand in your purse and hold onto your gun while you walk. Carry a keychain vial of pepperspray and hold it while you walk. No need to be super discreet - if the criminal knows your hand is on the trigger, they know you'll have time to react before they can even get to you. Sometimes just having your weapon of choice in your hand can give you the confidence you need to avoid being attacked.
But you're worried about looking crazy or paranoid? Don't be! Crazy chicks get attacked less. I'd rather be the weirdo that walks through the alley holding a gun in a pocket book than the victim any day.
6.) Put aside your objections. A mom friend recently told me that she doesn't think she could bring herself to actually shoot someone if it came to that. Why not? The way I see it, is that God only condemned unlawful murder. If someone is coming after you to rape you, you can safely say that they're breaking the law and that if they got away with their crime, they'd commit it again on someone else, possibly a child. I'm fairly certain God isn't going to hold it against you if you give them a 1-way ticket back to hell.
I'll just stop my tips right there. Avoid the attack, neutralize the attacker and then kill them.
Until women start fighting back in large numbers and rapists face more than a 3-year (or less) sentence, the rape culture will continue. Maybe if it becomes more common for death to be a consequence of raping, men will be less likely to rape.
It's sick.
So, I'd like to share some tips here to help women like myself stay safe.
1.) Avoid going out alone after dark. I know - you shouldn't have to avoid living your life because there's perverts lurking around every corner. You shouldn't need to plan on getting your grocery shopping done before 4:30 once daylight savings hits because it's suddenly not safe to buy milk and bread alone anymore.
TELL THAT TO YOUR CONGRESSMAN. After all, it's the fucked up politicians that are guilty of rape and child pornography possession that are deciding what the maximum punishments should be. No wonder the typical rape sentence is less than 3 years.
2.) Take a self-defense class. While it's probably not going to be all that helpful, it'll at least make you feel a little better. I just took one last night with a group of mom friends.
3.) When in doubt, gauge their eyes out. Seriously. Go for the eyes. If you can bring yourself to do it - destroy that eyeball. Stick your finger right through it. Smush it. Wreck the hell out of it. You'll be a lot harder to find and catch if the perp is blinded or only has 1 eye. You need 2 eyes for depth perception, so it'll be a lot easier to escape a 1-eyed rapist than one with perfect vision. Then, while they're writhing in pain for a minute or two, take out your Smith and Wesson and SHOOT THEM. Completely serious. An eye injury heals quickly - take that small amount of time to shoot the prick. Don't run. You'll need a minute or so to get your gun, load it, take the safety off, etc. so practice doing that quickly so you can finish the job off before sir-citizen-of-the-year recovers from the eye jab. Cops don't pursue rapists, especially if they didn't get the job done. If they happen to pick the guy up for another crime, he'll only get 3 years or less for rape. He knows that. If you manage to get away, he'll take his frustrations out on someone else, possibly a child.
Rapists can't be rehabilitated with anything less than a bullet to the head.
Uncomfortable with shooting someone in the head? Aim for the gut or the chest and let God sort it out. Hopefully he doesn't like rapists either and then the creep will have a few minutes to think about the path his life has taken before he bleeds to dead or suffocates from blood flowing into his lungs. Unfortunately, a non-head shot requires you to leave since they could potentially still be mobile enough to stab/shoot/strangle you at that point. Get yourself to safety before you bother calling 911 to let them know there's a rapist dying in the alley from a gunshot wound.
4.) Don't yell rape. It's a waste of breath and nobody will listen. Try something else, like "Fire!", "Lion!" or "Tornado!" As a culture, we're very desensitized to the idea of rape. It has somehow become okay or the victims fault if a woman is raped, so nobody bothers to stop or look when they hear it.
Make sure you make a lot of noise though. Noise can potential scare off the attacker - especially if it's getting attention. That's why you want to say the words that will bring people in.
5.) Be confident. I know it's hard to be confident and you can go from owning the alley to shrinking in a corner in about 2 seconds when faced with a real threat. So, if you don't feel confident, make yourself confident. Put your hand in your purse and hold onto your gun while you walk. Carry a keychain vial of pepperspray and hold it while you walk. No need to be super discreet - if the criminal knows your hand is on the trigger, they know you'll have time to react before they can even get to you. Sometimes just having your weapon of choice in your hand can give you the confidence you need to avoid being attacked.
But you're worried about looking crazy or paranoid? Don't be! Crazy chicks get attacked less. I'd rather be the weirdo that walks through the alley holding a gun in a pocket book than the victim any day.
6.) Put aside your objections. A mom friend recently told me that she doesn't think she could bring herself to actually shoot someone if it came to that. Why not? The way I see it, is that God only condemned unlawful murder. If someone is coming after you to rape you, you can safely say that they're breaking the law and that if they got away with their crime, they'd commit it again on someone else, possibly a child. I'm fairly certain God isn't going to hold it against you if you give them a 1-way ticket back to hell.
I'll just stop my tips right there. Avoid the attack, neutralize the attacker and then kill them.
Until women start fighting back in large numbers and rapists face more than a 3-year (or less) sentence, the rape culture will continue. Maybe if it becomes more common for death to be a consequence of raping, men will be less likely to rape.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Don't Brag About Being Debt Free
Facebook is a huge inspiration for a lot of my posts. After all, where else can you catch up on the latest gossip, check the news and simultaneously discover that 2/3 of your friends are annoying a-holes?
Today's post is courtesy of a mama that tends to brag a little too much and a little too loudly to be entirely believable. Her posts always have a fakely cheerful tone to them that borders on condescending.
Today's post: So glad I've made good choices in regards to credit cards, bills and spending that have allowed me to be debt free.
The post was followed by numerous people congratulating her.
I on the other hand refrained from commenting. Why? Not because I'm jealous that she's debt free (Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form debt free and I won't be for the rest of my life. Thanks college bills, medical bills, husband's debt, etc...) I was irritated by her post because it isn't true.
She may not be debt free - but she owes society a ton.
You see, her utopia is funded on the back of numerous social programs. She is a photographer that deals only in cash. Her husband is also a business owner... that deals only in cash. She has posted vague comments before regarding her reason for that and they almost sound like she's alluding to tax fraud sometimes. After all, it's hard for the government to track a cash-only business. You pretty much have to rely on the honor system.
On top of that, they apply for - and get - every social program under the sun. From health care to preschool and even camp for her older kids, everything is paid for. Her kids - all 3 of them - don't cost her a dime. They also make her family eligible for a number of other social welfare safety nets. They're careful to fly below the radar. They rent a house rather than buy one and avoid purchases that would raise red flags - like newer cars that would require a car payment. New clothes are never an issue. On top of all that, they go on vacation all the time and Christmas at their house is second to none.
On the other hand, I'm sitting here trying to skim down the grocery budget to free up money to pay off debt. I drive a 10-year old car and haven't bought new clothes for myself in years. My kids don't go to camp - I can't afford it - and we've sacrificed as a family to put my oldest in preschool, but since we pay for it, there is no bus and I have to drive her myself. Because my husband's income is reported through a W-2, we don't qualify for any social programs. None. No discounts on preschool tuition or anything like that. We buy our healthcare to the tune of nearly $1000 per month and that's the one offered through my husband's job. Purchasing it outright through the state's exchange would double the cost for a similar plan and no, it's hardly great. Before universal healthcare, our coverages were much better and the costs were much lower. Next year, when my oldest is in kindergarten, she'll go for free, but I'll have to pay for the school bus or drive her myself. Lunch will be another expense, and kids are asked to not bring their own because of allergies. The last time I went on a vacation was for my honeymoon, 6.5 years ago.
It would be nice if we could keep our money.
One thing that would really help our solidly middle-class family stay afloat is if we could keep our money. I know what you're thinking - I haven't mentioned my own job. I'm a stay at home mom. Daycare cost more than I would bring in, so I decided to stay home. I know that there will be time to work when the kids are older and in school. I know I won't make as much later on because of my choice to stay home now, but I made that sacrifice in order to have a family. Material possessions are meaningless if you don't have anyone to enjoy them with.
Take this as an example... the photographer friend I mentioned above? Lets figure out what she REALLY makes.
She says they make $30k/year, so we'll use that as the base point.
Salary: $30k
Free medical: $12k (this is what we pay through an employer-sponsored plan... hers doesn't have co-pays, so I'd say the value is a little higher, but we'll leave it alone.)
Free 5-day pre-k: $5k
Free bus ride: $200
Food stamps: $3k (I have no idea what people get for food stamps.)
Free Summer camp for 3 kids: $2k (again, I have no idea what her camp would cost, this was just an estimate)
Total: $52,200
Now lets compare to an average family that doesn't get any assistance.
Salary: $70k
Medical: -$12k
5-day pre-k: -$5k
Bus: -$200
Total: $52,800
Pretty similar, right? Except the family that doesn't get assistance still has to pay for food, summer camp for their kids and co-pays at the doctor. The family that doesn't get help will also pay more in taxes. In a lot of areas, getting assistance means you can't own a home. That means the family getting help also avoids paying real estate tax while the family without help probably does own a home and is paying real estate tax, trash removal, etc. The family getting help may pay those fees through their rent, though they may also be getting housing assistance, which would negate that.
Add in that the $30k is only what is REPORTED by the self-employed photographer family and you can see how easy it would be for someone like that to be debt-free while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet and often have to add to our debt to get by.
So the next time you want to brag about being debt free - make sure you're not relying on social programs to live that type of life. You're never debt free if you owe your way of life to social programs funded by taxes from families that are adding to their debt burden to make ends meet.
Today's post is courtesy of a mama that tends to brag a little too much and a little too loudly to be entirely believable. Her posts always have a fakely cheerful tone to them that borders on condescending.
Today's post: So glad I've made good choices in regards to credit cards, bills and spending that have allowed me to be debt free.
The post was followed by numerous people congratulating her.
I on the other hand refrained from commenting. Why? Not because I'm jealous that she's debt free (Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form debt free and I won't be for the rest of my life. Thanks college bills, medical bills, husband's debt, etc...) I was irritated by her post because it isn't true.
She may not be debt free - but she owes society a ton.
You see, her utopia is funded on the back of numerous social programs. She is a photographer that deals only in cash. Her husband is also a business owner... that deals only in cash. She has posted vague comments before regarding her reason for that and they almost sound like she's alluding to tax fraud sometimes. After all, it's hard for the government to track a cash-only business. You pretty much have to rely on the honor system.
On top of that, they apply for - and get - every social program under the sun. From health care to preschool and even camp for her older kids, everything is paid for. Her kids - all 3 of them - don't cost her a dime. They also make her family eligible for a number of other social welfare safety nets. They're careful to fly below the radar. They rent a house rather than buy one and avoid purchases that would raise red flags - like newer cars that would require a car payment. New clothes are never an issue. On top of all that, they go on vacation all the time and Christmas at their house is second to none.
On the other hand, I'm sitting here trying to skim down the grocery budget to free up money to pay off debt. I drive a 10-year old car and haven't bought new clothes for myself in years. My kids don't go to camp - I can't afford it - and we've sacrificed as a family to put my oldest in preschool, but since we pay for it, there is no bus and I have to drive her myself. Because my husband's income is reported through a W-2, we don't qualify for any social programs. None. No discounts on preschool tuition or anything like that. We buy our healthcare to the tune of nearly $1000 per month and that's the one offered through my husband's job. Purchasing it outright through the state's exchange would double the cost for a similar plan and no, it's hardly great. Before universal healthcare, our coverages were much better and the costs were much lower. Next year, when my oldest is in kindergarten, she'll go for free, but I'll have to pay for the school bus or drive her myself. Lunch will be another expense, and kids are asked to not bring their own because of allergies. The last time I went on a vacation was for my honeymoon, 6.5 years ago.
It would be nice if we could keep our money.
One thing that would really help our solidly middle-class family stay afloat is if we could keep our money. I know what you're thinking - I haven't mentioned my own job. I'm a stay at home mom. Daycare cost more than I would bring in, so I decided to stay home. I know that there will be time to work when the kids are older and in school. I know I won't make as much later on because of my choice to stay home now, but I made that sacrifice in order to have a family. Material possessions are meaningless if you don't have anyone to enjoy them with.
Take this as an example... the photographer friend I mentioned above? Lets figure out what she REALLY makes.
She says they make $30k/year, so we'll use that as the base point.
Salary: $30k
Free medical: $12k (this is what we pay through an employer-sponsored plan... hers doesn't have co-pays, so I'd say the value is a little higher, but we'll leave it alone.)
Free 5-day pre-k: $5k
Free bus ride: $200
Food stamps: $3k (I have no idea what people get for food stamps.)
Free Summer camp for 3 kids: $2k (again, I have no idea what her camp would cost, this was just an estimate)
Total: $52,200
Now lets compare to an average family that doesn't get any assistance.
Salary: $70k
Medical: -$12k
5-day pre-k: -$5k
Bus: -$200
Total: $52,800
Pretty similar, right? Except the family that doesn't get assistance still has to pay for food, summer camp for their kids and co-pays at the doctor. The family that doesn't get help will also pay more in taxes. In a lot of areas, getting assistance means you can't own a home. That means the family getting help also avoids paying real estate tax while the family without help probably does own a home and is paying real estate tax, trash removal, etc. The family getting help may pay those fees through their rent, though they may also be getting housing assistance, which would negate that.
Add in that the $30k is only what is REPORTED by the self-employed photographer family and you can see how easy it would be for someone like that to be debt-free while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet and often have to add to our debt to get by.
So the next time you want to brag about being debt free - make sure you're not relying on social programs to live that type of life. You're never debt free if you owe your way of life to social programs funded by taxes from families that are adding to their debt burden to make ends meet.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
MiLend: The Loan from Hell
I thought I posted my final MiLend review. I really did. The lawyer came to our house, we signed the appropriate papers and we were finished... or were we?
Last Friday I got an email... oopsie doodle, our old lender paid the taxes the day before they received our payoff, which put our escrow account over $300 into the negative because we were told to skip our October payment, when we would have put another $500 into the account.
Meanwhile, the firm handing the disbursement of money also paid our taxes. So they wound up shorting the old mortgage provider about $300. No problem, the firm (MiLend's firm) called me up and asked me to shoot over a personal check to cover the difference. Um.. what? Sure, let me just pull $300 I wasn't counting on spending out of my butt right before the holidays. Fantastic planning.
What if I don't? Well, then our loan isn't actually "paid off" and we'll accrue a daily interest on the $300 that we can pay at the end of the month on the next statement date.
I'll tell you - the communication between MiLend, their partners and the rest of the world is atrocious.
Even when we THOUGHT we were done. When we THOUGHT we didn't have to give any more money, sign any more paperwork or make any more calls, we weren't.
Really - if you're considering doing business with them and you have a budget, value your sanity or just don't like getting the run-around, seriously reconsider what you're about to do. MiLend is NOT an easy lender to work with. I'm dreading what it will be like to make mortgage payments to them.
Last Friday I got an email... oopsie doodle, our old lender paid the taxes the day before they received our payoff, which put our escrow account over $300 into the negative because we were told to skip our October payment, when we would have put another $500 into the account.
Meanwhile, the firm handing the disbursement of money also paid our taxes. So they wound up shorting the old mortgage provider about $300. No problem, the firm (MiLend's firm) called me up and asked me to shoot over a personal check to cover the difference. Um.. what? Sure, let me just pull $300 I wasn't counting on spending out of my butt right before the holidays. Fantastic planning.
What if I don't? Well, then our loan isn't actually "paid off" and we'll accrue a daily interest on the $300 that we can pay at the end of the month on the next statement date.
I'll tell you - the communication between MiLend, their partners and the rest of the world is atrocious.
Even when we THOUGHT we were done. When we THOUGHT we didn't have to give any more money, sign any more paperwork or make any more calls, we weren't.
Really - if you're considering doing business with them and you have a budget, value your sanity or just don't like getting the run-around, seriously reconsider what you're about to do. MiLend is NOT an easy lender to work with. I'm dreading what it will be like to make mortgage payments to them.
Monday, November 3, 2014
All Alone
Nothing quite like crying in your living room out of loneliness...
Today has been one of those days. I'm frustrated with my mother-in-law and her overbooking of us around the holidays. I wanted to just have time with my family this year and maybe even throw a birthday party for my soon to be 5-year old in the same month that she was born rather than at her half-birthday, 6 months later.
I vented my frustrations to my FIL's girlfriend, whom I've come to think of as a friend.
I was wrong.
I didn't realize that our conversation would be entertaining evening reading material for my father-in-law. I didn't realize that he'd then act on what bits and pieces he read and send a bitter email to my mother-in-law, forwarding it to my husband and I when he was done.
My mother-in-law very predictably called my husband, asking what the heck happened and why would I say anything to FIL's girlfriend. Husband called me, angry that his mother was angry, asking what happened.
I was just venting and having a candid conversation, like I would with a friend. I didn't realize that friend would sell me out. I didn't realize my father-in-law would read a private conversation and go off the rails.
Instead of being embarrassed or angry, I just feel numb and alone. I'm crying because of the loneliness, not because my mother-in-law and husband are mad at me. I'm crying because I feel like I lost a confidant that could understand me. I'm crying because I've reached the point where I'm done caring and I realize that's the first step down the long path that leads to divorce. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family and I'm crying because I'm not sure if the alternative is even a possibility anymore. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time of year, not one that you dread with every fiber of your being because of the people you have to see and deal with. I have anxiety and depression and this time of year always sets it off. It's not the shorter days - it's spending 2 or 3 weekends a month in the presence of my mother-in-law - a woman who has always done her best to make me feel bad.
I don't know what will finally make me give up for good, but I will say that now is as close as I've ever been. I've always known I didn't have a chance of having a good relationship with my in-laws, but I always told myself it didn't matter. Well, it does matter. The only way it wouldn't matter is if we lived on the other side of the country, but my husband won't go and I can't cut my kids off from their father no matter how much I need to get away from this place. Their needs always trump mine, so for now I'll have to make due with crying alone in the living room, typing my sorrow out to unknown strangers on the internet.
Today has been one of those days. I'm frustrated with my mother-in-law and her overbooking of us around the holidays. I wanted to just have time with my family this year and maybe even throw a birthday party for my soon to be 5-year old in the same month that she was born rather than at her half-birthday, 6 months later.
I vented my frustrations to my FIL's girlfriend, whom I've come to think of as a friend.
I was wrong.
I didn't realize that our conversation would be entertaining evening reading material for my father-in-law. I didn't realize that he'd then act on what bits and pieces he read and send a bitter email to my mother-in-law, forwarding it to my husband and I when he was done.
My mother-in-law very predictably called my husband, asking what the heck happened and why would I say anything to FIL's girlfriend. Husband called me, angry that his mother was angry, asking what happened.
I was just venting and having a candid conversation, like I would with a friend. I didn't realize that friend would sell me out. I didn't realize my father-in-law would read a private conversation and go off the rails.
Instead of being embarrassed or angry, I just feel numb and alone. I'm crying because of the loneliness, not because my mother-in-law and husband are mad at me. I'm crying because I feel like I lost a confidant that could understand me. I'm crying because I've reached the point where I'm done caring and I realize that's the first step down the long path that leads to divorce. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family and I'm crying because I'm not sure if the alternative is even a possibility anymore. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time of year, not one that you dread with every fiber of your being because of the people you have to see and deal with. I have anxiety and depression and this time of year always sets it off. It's not the shorter days - it's spending 2 or 3 weekends a month in the presence of my mother-in-law - a woman who has always done her best to make me feel bad.
I don't know what will finally make me give up for good, but I will say that now is as close as I've ever been. I've always known I didn't have a chance of having a good relationship with my in-laws, but I always told myself it didn't matter. Well, it does matter. The only way it wouldn't matter is if we lived on the other side of the country, but my husband won't go and I can't cut my kids off from their father no matter how much I need to get away from this place. Their needs always trump mine, so for now I'll have to make due with crying alone in the living room, typing my sorrow out to unknown strangers on the internet.
Holiday Hell
Well folks, it's officially November and that means it's time to start thinking about the holidays. This is the time of year I lovingly refer to as "holiday hell".
Why, you ask? Well, we have 3 sets of extended family thanks to 1 messy divorce on my husbands side. That means that we have to squeeze in time with his dad (and family), his mom (and family) and my parents. His dad lives an hour away, his mom an hour and a half away and my parents 2 1/2 hours away. That's if we don't hit traffic. Any amount of traffic will add 30 minutes or more to any of those trips. And those are 1 way!
To add to the fun, his mother is perpetually in school, which means she plans events on Sundays. For those who work Monday-Friday, getting home late Sunday after a long day of traveling with the holiday rush does not make for a fun work week. This point is completely lost on her when she plans things and picking 2 or 3pm for a party is not uncommon.
I'd like to add that we're the only ones that live this far away. My brother lives with my parents and my sister lives on the other side of the country, so traveling isn't an issue for either of them. My husband's youngest brother lives roughly 10 minutes from his dad, but isn't speaking to him, so never has to travel there and roughly 20 minutes from his mom. Not a long trip at all and they can completely do other things before or after traveling to her house for a party. Their other family lives in the same town as them too. My husband's other brother lives right there too - 10 minutes from their dad, 20 from their mother. He's speaking to both, but is gay and has no children, which makes traveling so much easier and also means less of a time demand during the holidays.
We're the odd man out living far away (we had to move closer to a city for jobs) and having a family of our own that we'd like to do more things with than simply putting the kids to bed after a long day of riding in the car.
So now I'm sitting here seething because I'd like to celebrate my daughter's birthday near its actual date (she was born on December 23rd), but we can't because the month is so overbooked that it isn't even funny. We'll be lucky if we can even finish Christmas shopping on time!
How does everyone else deal with excessive holiday demands? It's not just the holidays either - my mother-in-law wants to celebrate her new husband's birthday on a separate date and it just so happens to fall in December, so that's another "party".
Why, you ask? Well, we have 3 sets of extended family thanks to 1 messy divorce on my husbands side. That means that we have to squeeze in time with his dad (and family), his mom (and family) and my parents. His dad lives an hour away, his mom an hour and a half away and my parents 2 1/2 hours away. That's if we don't hit traffic. Any amount of traffic will add 30 minutes or more to any of those trips. And those are 1 way!
To add to the fun, his mother is perpetually in school, which means she plans events on Sundays. For those who work Monday-Friday, getting home late Sunday after a long day of traveling with the holiday rush does not make for a fun work week. This point is completely lost on her when she plans things and picking 2 or 3pm for a party is not uncommon.
I'd like to add that we're the only ones that live this far away. My brother lives with my parents and my sister lives on the other side of the country, so traveling isn't an issue for either of them. My husband's youngest brother lives roughly 10 minutes from his dad, but isn't speaking to him, so never has to travel there and roughly 20 minutes from his mom. Not a long trip at all and they can completely do other things before or after traveling to her house for a party. Their other family lives in the same town as them too. My husband's other brother lives right there too - 10 minutes from their dad, 20 from their mother. He's speaking to both, but is gay and has no children, which makes traveling so much easier and also means less of a time demand during the holidays.
We're the odd man out living far away (we had to move closer to a city for jobs) and having a family of our own that we'd like to do more things with than simply putting the kids to bed after a long day of riding in the car.
So now I'm sitting here seething because I'd like to celebrate my daughter's birthday near its actual date (she was born on December 23rd), but we can't because the month is so overbooked that it isn't even funny. We'll be lucky if we can even finish Christmas shopping on time!
How does everyone else deal with excessive holiday demands? It's not just the holidays either - my mother-in-law wants to celebrate her new husband's birthday on a separate date and it just so happens to fall in December, so that's another "party".
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