I Want to Run Away

I want to run away from my family. I know as a married woman with kids, I'm not allowed to say that in this society, but it's true. It's not just my family though, it's the entire fricking world around me. Maybe I need a drastic change of scenery?

I know I shouldn't complain. I live in a nice house - not the best, but it could be a lot worse. Heck it was a lot worse before we started ripping it apart and fixing it. My kids are healthy. I'm healthy. The baby in my belly is healthy. My husband is healthy. We have enough food and a running vehicle. Everything is ok.

That's the problem. Everything is just ok. We are just making it through the motions. I feel like there is literally nothing to look forward to. Every time I look out a window, I'm reminded of the crummy house & lot we got saddled with. We were first time home buyers and we had no idea what we were doing. As a result, we got a house that needed way more work than we could afford to do, so we've got a mountain of debt and now "the neighbor from hell" has moved in next door so I don't even want to live here anymore. We tried selling and moving before dumping all the money into the house, but with the market being the way it was, that wasn't an option and leaving it like it was wasn't working out either (the ceiling leaked, there was zero insulation in the exterior walls so the heat bills were crazy, the bathtub leaked so badly it rotted the beam below it and the list just goes on and on.) We could sell the house now and maybe break even to get away from the neighbor and nullify most of the debt, but then we'd have nothing to start over with and buy a new house with, so that's not really a great option either. With 2 (soon to be 3) kids, a dog and a cat, renting is pretty much not an option. Not to mention that 3 or 4 bedroom rentals are scarce and extremely expensive around here thanks to the housing market. We've been considering moving to another state, but timing a move and a job change for the hubby seems tricky. The advantage of doing that would be to live near family, but we're not all that fond of my husbands family. They're great to visit, but in too high of doses they can be a bit overwhelming. My own family is scattered, so there's not really any one place where we can live near everyone.


Between the daily drudgery of caring for the kids and the house and dealing with the neighbor situation I'm just tired. I'm tired of it all. I want to run away and start a new life somewhere. At least have something to look forward to, even if it's not huge.

What do other moms do? I've heard that some people like to "treat" themselves once a month to something small like an eyebrow wax or getting take-out instead of cooking. I just need some ideas... maybe I'll work on a list of things I can do to make myself happy and then focus on finding more time in my day to get everything done so I can actually have some "me" time without feeling guilty that I'm taking care of myself at the expense of something or someone else.