We went to our first ever preschool open house last week. We're not checking out 5 different schools, interviewing teachers, comparing and contrasting the curriculum, etc. like most parents do. I picked the preschool based on proximity (it's at the end of my street, about a mile away) and the fact that it's the "public" preschool, so my daughter will start making friends in her town. It's also part of the elementary school she'll be going to, so I think it'll make the transition easier. We met the teachers, saw the facilities and I'm comfortable sending her there. She loved it and can't wait to go back.
Now, for the "ugly" side of things. I'm a part of the local Moms Club as you may know. I'm also pretty sure that out of the 50 moms in the club, I'm the only mother without any children over the age of 1 enrolled in what is called "EI" or Extra Instruction. You get enrolled into EI through your doctor. Usually, it's for a speech or physical delay, though judging by the excessively high number of people in the Moms Club who utilize the service, I'd say they aren't putting "delayed" kids into EI, but rather any kid who's parent is willing to label them as being delayed, special, borderline autistic, etc.
Why would a parent want to put a label on their kid that could hurt them later in life? The answer is simple - by having your child labeled, you suddenly have access to a huge (and free) EI network. For young kids this means 1 on 1 tutoring with a specialist designed to rip your baby out of infancy and toss them into toddlerhood. For slightly older kids, this means a free drop-off playgroup, giving mom some alone-time to run errands. Once little Johnny or Jenny hits the rip old age of 3, those in the EI system are evaluated and at least 50% are transitioned to an IEP - or individualized education plan. This is the new way of saying "integrated special ed". As a 3 year old, that means free preschool. You heard that correctly - FREE preschool. For those of us with kids who aren't "special" or "delayed", we shell out $1700 in tuition for town preschool and even more for private. But wait, it gets better. Kids on an IEP, transferring into the system from EI also get free bus service to take them to and from preschool. I'm not really sure how the child being a little on the slow side has anything to do with the parent's ability to pick them up or drop them off, but it somehow does. Us suckers who pay have to pick up and drop off our kids, every day. I should mention too that EI/IEP is NOT based on income, so families making significantly more money than ours are getting preschool for free, while we're going to be making payments.
When the IEP kids get older, they will be given unlimited time for tests in school and general expectations will be dramatically reduced in terms of academics. If the child performs badly, you can blame it on a bad IEP rather than a lack of effort. No child with an IEP should fail. Ever.
It doesn't stop with the EI/IEP kids either. For low-income families that have somehow managed to not have their kids labeled as EI/IEP (I'm really not sure how many "normal" kids there are out there, since I'm the only one in the Moms Club with beautifully average children), they qualify for headstart. In general, headstart is a great program. However, once the headstart kids begin getting things that the other kids don't get (with the exception of financial assistance), it becomes an issue to me. Again, headstart kids get free bus service. They also get fed for free at the school. Lunch or breakfast isn't even an option to those that pay. Neither is bus service.
So my conclusion is this: Preschool is ruining kids - and their parents. It's putting unnecessary pressure on parents to have their children labeled as special, delayed, etc. to get free tuition and those labels will follow the kids for the rest of their lives. For the low-income children, the excessive nature of the headstart program with the added bonuses of breakfast or lunch and a free bus ride along with free tuition, is teaching the kids from a very early age to appreciate entitlements and get what they can while they can get it.
Meanwhile, while everyone else is getting it for free, my own kid is going 3 days a week instead of 5 because I can't afford the 5-day program. Heck, we can't even afford the 3 day program, but on paper it looks like we can. She's starting preschool at 4 years old while most of the other kids in town start at 3 because I simply can't afford 2 years of preschool and nobody is picking up the tab for me. Not that I'm worried about it - I think 2 years of preschool is a cop-out on the moms part. There is no reason for 2 years of preschool - heck, when I was a kid, half the other kids in school never even went to preschool. Only those of us in the daycare system seemed to have gone. On top of all the financial injustices of it, I'm going to struggle to bundle and stuff 3 kids in and out of the car twice a day on school days to pick up and drop off my oldest daughter. Wonderful.
How can the system be fixed? Well, for starters, the entire EI thing needs to go away. There's nothing wrong with a 2 year old that can't handle scissors. Heck, my 4 year old can't handle scissors that well. There's nothing wrong with a 1 year old that doesn't talk a lot. They'll talk when they're ready - worry about their speech when they're 3 or maybe even 4. Birth problems like heart murmurs do not automatically make you special. Picky eater? Still not special. Doctors need to learn to tell parents that everything little Johnny or Jenny does that isn't "adult-like" does not mean they're only playing with half a deck of cards. The doctors need to stop handing out EI recommendations like lollipops and make parents actually do a little parenting. Maybe then we can stop some of this handout nonsense, quit giving kids excuses for doing badly in school and shooting each other and work at turning the trend of raising whiners and whimps around.
Now that I'm good and ticked off, I should probably end this rant before I offend even more people. If you're a parent with a kid who has been labeled and you're reading this, I hope you realize what type of psychological damage you're inflicting on your child. Take a good look at your kid and what you expect from them, then ask yourself if THEY have the delay or if you do. Children aren't mini adults - you have to raise them and teach them things. They don't all learn at the same pace and they won't all be good at the same things. If there's anything I've learned from my 2 (soon to be 3) kids, it's that there is no "normal", so do yourself a favor and clear off the shelf of parenting books on your bookshelf. Take your cues from your kid. Spend more time interacting with them and less time reading books about ideas of how you can engage them. It may be scary, but it'll all work out, I promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment