Sister-In-Law Update

I scanned my blog to see what I have written about in the past and I noticed a definite trend - my sister-in-law provides quite a bit of fodder. So, I thought it would be high time to offer an update on how the little tramp dear is impacting the family dynamics.

She's still nuts.

That about sums things up... I mean, I haven't talked to her in nearly a year. In January she blocked my phone, Facebook and anything else she could think of. I sent around a family newsletter and had no way of contacting her, so their family didn't get it. Her husband was ticked and I explained that I couldn't contact his wife and that I was sending it to the women.

Radio silence.

My mother-in-law jumped in at that point - baby boy can't get his feelings hurt after all. Bow down to his wife and kiss her ass like everyone else has for the past 7 years she said. No... no, that doesn't seem like fun at all. I've done that and it doesn't really help - it takes effort and quite frankly, she's not worth it. She has treated the whole family like shit (or at least those of us that don't have anything to give her, like land or money or whatever) and I've had enough of it.

So my husband and I finally decided we were done dealing with her. Done dealing with everyone that's enabling her. Just done in general. We opted out of birthdays, graduation parties and anything else she would be at. There's no point in going since we didn't want to watch the sickening display of everyone acting like she's a fucking saint while she's ignoring us for absolutely no reason.

I literally mean that. You can speak to this woman and she will turn her head the other way as if you simply aren't there. People witness this and continue to talk to her like she has done absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, because for her, that's not unordinary. If they address her behavior, she turns the crazy on them. Her degree of crazy can vary... she once slashed my mother-in-law's tires, but we're supposed to act like that never happened because she gave birth to someone's children and said they were my brother-in-law's.

Now, nobody gave a rats ass that this was going on until recently. My mother-in-law said it was between them and us and she was staying out of it. She had 900 reasons why she couldn't ask what their problem was. My husband tried reaching out to his brother early on and got nothing but silence. It was not in her best interest to ask, so she didn't.

Now it's the holidays and my mother-in-law wants to have a big happy family around her dining room table (which is like a 4-person table, but I digress) and she is suddenly upset that we aren't going to her events. She knew this is what was going to happen. She knew we couldn't get in touch with them and she refused to say anything to them. Like always, she refuses to address the behavior if it's them because (and this was her reasoning, not mine) if she says anything to them about the way they act, they keep her from seeing the grandkids.

It's disgusting. The way they act and the way she enables them. I am ashamed to be related to these people through marriage. It's really pushing me to find a way to move my family away from this jolly band of assholes. We don't go to events now and I figure 1,000 miles between us will at least keep the invitations from being issued so I don't have to decline and then listen to my mother-in-law rant and rave.

Why You Should Be Thankful For Your Sister-In-Law

A new year, a new post about my sister-in-law.

Honestly, I don't know what her problem is. Years ago she explained that her ongoing animosity was because I had gotten pregnant at the same time as her and she felt that I "stole her thunder" since everyone was happy for me and saddened for her.

Granted, I was 24, a college graduate, employed, married and a home owner. My husband was employed too and he was happy about the pregnancy.

She was 18, a high school graduate, unemployed, unmarried and living with her boyfriend's parents (my in-laws). Her boyfriend was also unemployed and wanted her to get an abortion.

So as you can see, the circumstances were really different. I tried explaining that to her when she accused me of basically ruining her life way back when. She honestly doesn't see why the reactions were completely different. That's a different story though.

Back to today - for the last couple of years, she and I have had pretty much no contact. We see each other a handful of times each year at family gatherings at my mother-in-law's house. While there, we don't talk to one another, we don't look at one another and if I walk into the same room as her, she immediately either turns her back or gets up and leaves. She will sit at the opposite end of the table as me if we are celebrating a birthday at a restaurant and she does not acknowledge my children.

Speaking of family gatherings, the end of last year was crazy. My MIL had something planned literally every 2 weeks for the last 3 months of the year. Besides that being over kill, she lives 1.5 hours away. So, in an effort to subtly start changing things, I put together a family newsletter. The newsletter outlines the holidays and what our plans are. I circulated it to the family via email. I texted everyone asking for email addresses if I didn't already have one. That included my SIL and BIL.

Surprise, surprise, they never got back to me. In fact, the text message never showed as being "read" either. A minimal amount of detective work later, and I figured out that they had blocked my phone number. So, I never sent them the newsletter.

Of course, they heard about the newsletter from other people in the family. My BIL actually had the balls to whine to my MIL about how they never got the newsletter. Awesome. So, my MIL texted me and wanted me to send it to him - she supplied the email address.

I said no! They blocked my phone number, so clearly they don't want anything to do with me and by extension, my family. They had the option of unblocking me, talking to me like a human and requesting a copy of the newsletter, but they declined. My MIL was also under the impression that I'd be sending them mean emails (which has never happened, by the way), so we suggested they set up an alternate email address. That too was unacceptable. So, I declined to send them the newsletter.

Ironic isn't it that they can exclude me and think nothing of it, but the minute I exclude them they get all butt-hurt and call my MIL.

So at the risk of ending this suddenly, I just want to say that no matter who your sister-in-law is, just be glad you didn't get saddled with mine. The woman is nuts and cannot function in normal society.

Happy Holidays?

Another holiday season is upon us and while some are dreaming of turkey, gifts under the Christmas tree and made-for-TV movies, I'm firmly entrenched in seasonal family drama.

The latest tiff comes care of... you guessed it, my sister-in-law.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we? My mother-in-law hosted her annual un-Thanksgiving this past weekend. We went, with the expectation that we'd be discussing Christmas arrangements. As expected, my mother-in-law wants to include the kids of her new husband and their kids in the gift-giving extravaganza.

So, that makes a grand total of 11 adults and 8 kids - 19 people total. Fortunately, the new adult additions are just as hard-up for money as we are they quickly figured out that 19 people x $10 each = $190. My brother-in-law's psycho wife was saying we should spend "at least" $20 on each kid. I suppose that's a great thought when you have the most kids.

Anyway, we took a "majority rules" approach and decided on a Yankee swap for the adults and a name-draw for the kids. My mother-in-law and her husband opted out, saying they want to buy for everyone, so in turn everyone will buy for them. Her husband's daughter (a single, childless woman) announced that she would like to just buy gifts for her own niece and nephew, which is totally understandable. That means 8 adults and 8 kids would be participating, so each adult would buy for 1 kid.

So at least the list has been dwindled from us bringing 14 gifts to just bringing 4 gifts. Two are for the yankee swap and have a cap of $15 and 2 are for kids and also have a cap of $15. We should be able to get out for under $60. I'm actually grabbing items from my gift-closet for the adult Yankee swap, bringing the total down to $30 for that portion of the family.

My sister-in-law left furious because they had already bought gifts for the kids and apparently can't return them. They want everyone to buy for their kids too. After they left, the new portion of the family asked what my sister-in-law's problem was. I laughed. I didn't know where to begin!

Hopefully Christmas is less dramatic than it's shaping up to be so far!

SIL's Baby

I tend to post about things that bother me that I can't bug my husband about. That being said, I have to put a quick post up about my sister-in-law because it's really bothering me.

She has a baby (I guess it's my nephew, though I believe a DNA test would say otherwise since her erm... exploits... are well-known in the family). The baby is 5 months old and it is failing to thrive. I asked her about it a little bit - what exactly was going on and whatnot. She says the baby has horrible reflux that's causing it to not gain weight.

Well, over the course of Thanksgiving and now Christmas, I can say with some certainty that the reflux is not the problem, but rather that its mother is. I have yet to see her give the child a bottle. She was breastfeeding, but that didn't work out with her older 2 kids either because her "milk is bad". Her diet is pretty much crap and that could be why.

Anyway, not giving a baby that's failing to thrive any sort of food in a 3 or 4 hour time period is kind of extreme. At 5 months old, the baby weights 10 or 11 pounds. That's crazy! On top of not feeding the baby, when he started crying hysterically and looking hungry she didn't do anything at all! She just sat across the room and let grandma deal with him. I didn't see a bottle in the diaper bag, so they may not have even had one with them. I'm just amazed that she can think it's ok to not feed a child because of his age, even though he's the size of a much younger baby.

The Silent Treatment: What They are Really Saying

I thought I'd do a post on the silent treatment to mark the 7 month mark of the day my sister-in-law decided to stop talking to me (again).

You didn't read that wrong - it's really been 7 months. That includes a handful of holidays, birthdays, etc. It's not the first time this has happened. In fact, at this point I'm pretty sure she's spent more time in the last 5 years NOT talking to me than she has spent being friendly towards me. It's bizarre really.

Given that I've been on the receiving end of the silent treatment for so long, I thought I'd share what I think my sister-in-law and anyone else who is stuck at 5 is really saying by not saying anything at all.

1.) I'm too mentally incompetent to generate a coherent argument as to why your actions/words were wrong, so I'm going to be silent and let you draw your own conclusions. Your assumptions are bound to be better than anything I could have come up with myself.
2.) I have the mental capabilities of a 5 year old. I'm completely inept at self-expression and resort to the silent treatment as a sort of punishment. I believe that I am so interesting and important that not talking to you will somehow adversely affect your quality of life.
3.) I foolishly believe that if I don't say anything at all to you, you will magically see things my way and come around, because that has worked so well in the past.
4.) I am intimidated by other women and can't function in a society where my boobs do not earn me a free-pass to be as rude and destructive as I wish.
5.) I am a horrible mother and wish to teach my children bad behaviors through my example. Up next is playing with fire and having unprotected sex with strangers.
6.) I'm just a straight-up bitch and should probably be on some sort of medication for that.

For anyone currently engaging in the silent treatment, please reference the above list and see just how foolish you look. You aren't going to win approval or make people see things your way by giving them the silent treatment. All you will do is affirm that you are an unreasonable idiot with the IQ of a potato skin. It will not win you points. It will not make you suddenly right. All it will do is make people that think little of you to begin with feel even less positively towards you. The best thing you can hope for is that they start treating you with kid gloves so your inner 5 year old doesn't escape again.

Not really what you were going for, was it?

Oh, and if you are related in any way, shape or form to the person you are giving the silent treatment to and you are an adult, I hope a bus hits you. That would make family holidays much easier for everyone else.

More Sister-in-law Drama

I'm somewhat pleased to report that it seems my sister-in-law's venomous nature is not just reserved for myself or other adult members of the family. She is now striking out at my father-in-law's girlfriend's daughter. Bravo FIB, you've outdone yourself once again.

The latest is that the little girl (she's 8) was riding her bike with friends around the portion of the compound that my sister-in-law occupies and the FIB felt the need to yell at her and her friends who weren't hurting anything and were just doing what 8 year olds do. Apparently reference was made to it being "her" property and "her house" etc. etc..

They pay a ridiculous pittance of rent on the place, and the FIB's sense of entitlement grants her the right to determine who is or is not allowed within 100 feet of the garage apartment. Thus, she has decided that the only souls granted access to the immediate vicinity surrounding casa del bitch is her family (immediate and extended, though the same does not apply for my brother-in-law's family) and her "friends" who quite frankly are more screwed up than she is. Imagine a prostitute looking for love in all the wrong places and you'll have an idea of what her friends are like. Shells of human beings with zero self-esteem and about as much common sense as a potato.

Anyway, nobody said anything to her. My father-in-law who dotes on the 8-year old girl didn't say squat about the incident and the girls mother obviously isn't in a place to say anything and the FIB wouldn't listen even if she did.

I reported the incident to my husband and I'm sure he just ignored me and decided to think about her tits which are apparently made of gold or something as no male is able to say boo to this girl about her ridiculously troll-like personality. It's amazing. I feel like I should just become the worlds biggest whore to get a little respect in this family. Have a couple kids that are obviously not my husbands and then maybe everyone will pander to my whims regardless of how outrageous they are. I honestly don't get it.

If either my brother-in-law or sister-in-law ever read this, they will know immediately it's about them. Good.

WAKE UP YOU TWITBALLS. You act like spoiled brats (more so her than him, though I blame my brother-in-law entirely for allowing the troll to infect the family) and I for one hope you both get what's coming to you in very short order. Oh, and dear brother-in-law, get a paternity test for each of your children. You're welcome for the tip.

Family Drama

Today I'm going to write a selfish post. I need to vent. Like right now.

It's my in-laws. Specifically my sister-in-law. I'm not really sure what her problem is... I mean, yes, she has some mental deficiencies (she claims bipolar disorder, but I think it's more of an extreme case of straight-up bitch than anything) and yes, her living situation completely sucks, but she chose her living situation and from my understanding bipolar people have good days and bad days... not just 5 years of bad days.

So what's the problem you ask? Well, after Christmas she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. I don't call her because she doesn't like it when people call and that's fine, so I tried texting when I had a question regarding some gathering (I can't remember what it was for at this point). No answer. At all. I thought hey, maybe one of her two children flushed her phone down the toilet, so I Facebooked. No answer. At all. At this point I was pretty sure that I was being ignored, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't until we attended a family gathering a couple of weeks later that I was sure she was ignoring me. The lack of greeting, avoidance of eye contact and zero communication was what gave it away. She did throw me a few dramatic sighs when she clearly disagreed with something I had said.

I'd like to throw out that she's also pregnant with child number 3. On state tax-payer funded health insurance. Living in a 2 bedroom apartment in my (our) father-in-law's driveway. Oh, and she's 22. Impressive, no? Sorry, none of that really has to do with the story, I just wanted to lay groundwork for what a stellar person she is to begin with.

A little more back-story because I'm bitter and angry at her right now, I'd like to mention that baby #1 came along when she was 18 and baby #2 when she was 20. She got married to my brother-in-law at 21. The first pregnancy was announced shortly after my husband and I got married. At the time I recall that she was acting oddly and being... well, a bitch... because of the attention we were getting. I guess the baby was her way of directing the focus on to her, but she didn't anticipate that the parents of her teenage boyfriend wouldn't be thrilled that she turned up pregnant. We had to change our plans for our first baby because I was upset over the events because #1 I thought we'd have the first grandchild on my husband's side and #2 I am NOT a fan of teenage pregnancy, especially unwed teenagers. It just sets a bad example in the family that my children will grow up looking at and knowing about and feeling is right. Basically, it's against my morals. I think the baby was a way of "fixing" her relationship with my brother-in-law, which was pretty shaky at the time, but he didn't wind up marrying her until after baby #2 was born.

Anyway, I digress. Back to my story.

So after the obvious silent treatment I was getting, nobody in the family that witnessed it and knows it's going on said anything to her. The response I keep getting is, "she's young and doesn't know any better..." or "she's pregnant and she'll be better once she's back on her meds..." or "well, she's just being herself...".  None of those excuses -- and that's what they are -- are good enough. We've been playing this happy dance for 5 years now. Five long and extremely annoying years.




I told my husband that if this witch with a capital B had been around before we got engaged, I would have said no. Had she been around before we put the deposit down on our venue, I would have cancelled the wedding. As it is, I have dreams of leaving the family over it. My husband won't stand up to her and manages to make excuses for her in the name of keeping the peace.


So now, after about 4 months of this crazy silent treatment going on I still don't know what sparked it. On top of that, she unfriended me on Facebook. Classy. Perhaps she didn't think I knew she was ignoring me? She had to unfriend me to make it final? Who knows. I know that Facebook isn't the end of the world, but for her to go that extra mile really says something. It says she has no intention of ending this childish nonsense any time soon and she has no intention of becoming a better person. It tells me that she doesn't care how our relationship is despite the fact that we're sisters-in-law.

I've been doing my darndest to just ignore her and living an hour away makes that pretty easy, but my mother-in-law has this annoying way of trying to host family get-together's twice a month in which case I must come in contact with her. So far I've been just ignoring her. I have no interest in making a pretense of trying to talk to her to be met with a blank stare and silence or at best a 1-word monosyllabic response if my brother-in-law is nearby. No thanks.

Here's the really funny part. I know that my mother-in-law is going to try to tell me to "be the bigger person" and give her another chance because she's pregnant and off her meds, etc. etc., but I've given this chick so many chances it isn't funny. I've turned the other cheek several times. I've forgiven, though never forgotten and it's gotten me nowhere. If anything, she treats me even worse now. Sorry, but I'm done with her. If my husband can't deal with that, he can find another wife. I know it's horrible to let my crazy sister-in-law come between me and my husband, but she really has. He refuses to take my side or be the one person in the family willing to stand-up for me and I can't do it all alone. I just can't.

So if anyone reads this and has made it through the whole thing, thank you. Thank you for listening to me as I ranted -- probably incoherently at times -- about my dysfunctional family.

If you have any advice on how to handle the situation, I'd love to hear from you. Even if it's something totally weird and involves chicken blood and voodoo. All suggestions are welcome at this point, I'm THAT desperate.