Sister-In-Law Update

I scanned my blog to see what I have written about in the past and I noticed a definite trend - my sister-in-law provides quite a bit of fodder. So, I thought it would be high time to offer an update on how the little tramp dear is impacting the family dynamics.

She's still nuts.

That about sums things up... I mean, I haven't talked to her in nearly a year. In January she blocked my phone, Facebook and anything else she could think of. I sent around a family newsletter and had no way of contacting her, so their family didn't get it. Her husband was ticked and I explained that I couldn't contact his wife and that I was sending it to the women.

Radio silence.

My mother-in-law jumped in at that point - baby boy can't get his feelings hurt after all. Bow down to his wife and kiss her ass like everyone else has for the past 7 years she said. No... no, that doesn't seem like fun at all. I've done that and it doesn't really help - it takes effort and quite frankly, she's not worth it. She has treated the whole family like shit (or at least those of us that don't have anything to give her, like land or money or whatever) and I've had enough of it.

So my husband and I finally decided we were done dealing with her. Done dealing with everyone that's enabling her. Just done in general. We opted out of birthdays, graduation parties and anything else she would be at. There's no point in going since we didn't want to watch the sickening display of everyone acting like she's a fucking saint while she's ignoring us for absolutely no reason.

I literally mean that. You can speak to this woman and she will turn her head the other way as if you simply aren't there. People witness this and continue to talk to her like she has done absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, because for her, that's not unordinary. If they address her behavior, she turns the crazy on them. Her degree of crazy can vary... she once slashed my mother-in-law's tires, but we're supposed to act like that never happened because she gave birth to someone's children and said they were my brother-in-law's.

Now, nobody gave a rats ass that this was going on until recently. My mother-in-law said it was between them and us and she was staying out of it. She had 900 reasons why she couldn't ask what their problem was. My husband tried reaching out to his brother early on and got nothing but silence. It was not in her best interest to ask, so she didn't.

Now it's the holidays and my mother-in-law wants to have a big happy family around her dining room table (which is like a 4-person table, but I digress) and she is suddenly upset that we aren't going to her events. She knew this is what was going to happen. She knew we couldn't get in touch with them and she refused to say anything to them. Like always, she refuses to address the behavior if it's them because (and this was her reasoning, not mine) if she says anything to them about the way they act, they keep her from seeing the grandkids.

It's disgusting. The way they act and the way she enables them. I am ashamed to be related to these people through marriage. It's really pushing me to find a way to move my family away from this jolly band of assholes. We don't go to events now and I figure 1,000 miles between us will at least keep the invitations from being issued so I don't have to decline and then listen to my mother-in-law rant and rave.

All Alone

Nothing quite like crying in your living room out of loneliness...

Today has been one of those days. I'm frustrated with my mother-in-law and her overbooking of us around the holidays. I wanted to just have time with my family this year and maybe even throw a birthday party for my soon to be 5-year old in the same month that she was born rather than at her half-birthday, 6 months later.

I vented my frustrations to my FIL's girlfriend, whom I've come to think of as a friend.

I was wrong.

I didn't realize that our conversation would be entertaining evening reading material for my father-in-law. I didn't realize that he'd then act on what bits and pieces he read and send a bitter email to my mother-in-law, forwarding it to my husband and I when he was done.

My mother-in-law very predictably called my husband, asking what the heck happened and why would I say anything to FIL's girlfriend. Husband called me, angry that his mother was angry, asking what happened.

I was just venting and having a candid conversation, like I would with a friend. I didn't realize that friend would sell me out. I didn't realize my father-in-law would read a private conversation and go off the rails.

Instead of being embarrassed or angry, I just feel numb and alone. I'm crying because of the loneliness, not because my mother-in-law and husband are mad at me. I'm crying because I feel like I lost a confidant that could understand me. I'm crying because I've reached the point where I'm done caring and I realize that's the first step down the long path that leads to divorce. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family and I'm crying because I'm not sure if the alternative is even a possibility anymore. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time of year, not one that you dread with every fiber of your being because of the people you have to see and deal with. I have anxiety and depression and this time of year always sets it off. It's not the shorter days - it's spending 2 or 3 weekends a month in the presence of my mother-in-law - a woman who has always done her best to make me feel bad.

I don't know what will finally make me give up for good, but I will say that now is as close as I've ever been. I've always known I didn't have a chance of having a good relationship with my in-laws, but I always told myself it didn't matter. Well, it does matter. The only way it wouldn't matter is if we lived on the other side of the country, but my husband won't go and I can't cut my kids off from their father no matter how much I need to get away from this place. Their needs always trump mine, so for now I'll have to make due with crying alone in the living room, typing my sorrow out to unknown strangers on the internet.

Letter to my MIL

I really wanted to write an email to my mother-in-law today regarding her behavior lately, but I'm not rude enough/ballsy enough to do so.  Instead of sending it to her, I thought I'd share it with all of you instead...

Dear Mother-In-Law,

Your behavior as of late has been quite concerning.  You seem to not be yourself, and I'm wondering if perhaps your recent separation from father-in-law is the cause of your troubles.  In any event, I believe a few things need to be cleared up.

1.)  While I appreciate your blind hatred of cats and your nonsensical belief that all cat litter boxes are disgusting (evident by your continual reminders of how you never had an indoor cat or a cat litter box because they are gross), my cat's litter box was fine this past weekend.  I dumped the old litter and put in fresh, new, clean litter just 24 hours prior to your visit.  The litter is scoopable, meaning it doesn't need to be emptied and re-filled every day.  Good thing too, because my litter costs $17 per bag and one bag fills the litter box 1.5 times.  Thank you so much for dumping an entire box of baking soda into the expensive cat litter.  That was not only aesthetically appealing, but my cat really enjoyed the sensation of his behind fizzing as he went pee.  He is now terrified of the litter box.  Oh, and PS the litter we use is meant to attract the cat (in fact, it is called Kitten Attract) and it secretes a particular small that draws in the cat.  Your little baking soda fiasco has destroyed that and now I must buy another bag of $17 cat litter.  In any event, only cats can smell the herbs in the litter, so unless your mother had an affair with a lion your "small" issue is a moot point.  I assume the smell is not what bothered you, but rather just being able to see the litter box in the first place.

2.)  You keep asking me why you don't get jobs after going for an interview.  Besides the obvious point of the economy and job competition, I think your main problem is articulation.  You are not good at expressing your ideas clearly.  This problem is compounded when you are nervous and every sentence ends with either, "You know what I mean?" or "Ya get what I'm sayin'?".  Oh... and by the way, when one applies for a position as an English teacher, it is imperative that one uses proper English during the interview.  It's also probably also a bad idea to call anyone "Darlin'" that has any connection to the school you wish to seek employment at.

3.)  Your ex-husband-to-be is not sleeping with your cousin's daughter.  While this statement alone may sound odd to some, the mere fact that she is now living with (renting from) him does not automatically mean that they are in any type of relationship.  Furthermore, it is bad form to let the man you claim to have no feelings for see how upset you are over the prospect of him having relations with another woman.  Clearly, you aren't completely done with him.  It might be a good idea to try to work out your differences instead of seeking a divorce if there are any feelings left.  After all, you are unemployed and will soon find yourself without a place to live or insurance or any other luxuries you've enjoyed for the past few decades.


I trust that you will think long and hard about the items I have mentioned.  Thank you.

Mother-In-Law Madness

So I realize this blog is becoming my way to vent about my in-laws, but bear with me.

My mother-in-law is currently on the phone with my husband getting computer help.  She has been on the phone with him since he got home, two hours ago.  He had a brief, 15-minute break to eat dinner, but then had to rush back to help her.  He has spent no time with either of our kids, and now they are going to bed.

My mother-in-law knows that my husband only has about 2 hours after he gets home to see the kids each night, yet she insists on calling as soon as he may be home to get help.  She isn't working right now (she's a sub and school is out), so there's no reason she can't wait until the kids are asleep to get help.

Also, let me just mention that it has taken 2 hours so far for him to try to help her set up her printer.  Her wireless printer.  They had it working fine and less than a minute later she called him back and said it wasn't working anymore.  I really feel like this is her way of "spending time" with her son, even though it's cutting into his very limited time with his kids.

I really hate how they have zero consideration for anyone, yet expect unlimited understanding from everyone else.  I am not a saint and I only have so much patience.  I'm afraid I am at about the end of my rope and I will go off on her soon and tell her exactly what I think of her.  Someone needs to set her straight.